One Love Manchester- Making Beauty out of Hurt

First and foremost, the events that occurred in Manchester two weeks ago broke my heart completely. Even though I’m from Canada many, many miles away, it still brought tears to my eyes when I found out. It is known that Ariana Grande is particularly popular with young people, so it was obvious that this senseless attack was a target against them. It was awful when it was revealed that 22 people were killed and many others were injured as a result.

In the time that followed, I made it my business to learn about the people that were impacted and take the time to pay my respects to them. Parents who were picking up their children, a young couple who were meant to be, an eighteen year old fan that tweeted that she was so excited to see Ariana, and an eight year, all among those that lost their lives. Each one of them had a story, hopes, dreams, and things that made them smile, and they deserve to be remembered and known by all. My heart goes out to all the family members who lost loved ones, the people at the concert whose lives were changed forever by the events, the first responders who reacted so bravely in order to help other people, to Ariana Grande who was absolutely torn by the events, and the city of Manchester who was impacted so greatly by one’s cowardly actions.

In all of this, I am impressed greatly by Ariana’s actions following this event. It is hard to imagine the pain she must feel knowing that people lost their lives at her concert- but the way she chose to handle this was so beautiful that my respect for her as grown completely. I was always a fan of Ari and her music- but now when I look at her I see this beautiful, loving, strong woman. She took the time to visit victims in the hospital to make their day, and from what I’ve seen her articles she really did go out of her way to truly make her visits special. She offered to pay for memorial services to the families that lost loved ones.

I think her greatest project though following the attacks was the benefit concert. In such a short period of time she managed to create a concert that was absolutely amazing. Incredible amounts of celebrities, A-listers, showed up to show their support including Miley Cyrus, Justin Bieber, Coldplay, Marcus Mumford, Katy Perry and The Black Eyed Peas. The underlying message of this concert however was that they can’t be stopped. The point of the attack was to shove fear into everyone and prevent them from doing what they enjoyed. However, this concert proved that love is greater than hate and no matter what they can’t be stopped. It was incredibly courageous for those who witnessed the attack to come out to show their support as well as the artists. After all the concert was just a day after the attack in London, and the risk of this event was there. However, it occurred and the messages that Ariana and the others were trying to spread was shouted out for the whole world to hear. As a result of this they were able to raise 3 million dollars to support the victims of the Manchester attacks.

Throughout the concert as I watched it through clips on YouTube, there were many moments that I found myself in absolute tears. The beauty and love that was shown throughout that stadium last night was remarkable and there were so many powerful moments. One of them was when Coldplay sang Fix You (I swear Coldplay was created for moments like this) and when Ariana and Miley sang their duet of Don’t Dream It’s Over. The Black Eyed Peas came around to sing their early 2000’s hit Where is the Love which is more relevant now than ever before.

My favourite moment however was when the school choir sang My Everything with Ariana, two of the girls in the choir were at the concert and the cover was hauntingly beautiful. When Ariana joined on stage and comforted the lead singer it showed how much love Ariana has in her heart.

Overall, even though I was not there for the Manchester attacks, I was absolutely moved by the concert last night. I think Ariana did an incredible job and she has inspired me to continue spreading the love to everyone and everything in the world around us.

Adapting and Making Best of a Bad Situation

So being bedridden kind of sucks. I mean, I think it is everyone’s dream to sit in bed all day and binge-watch TV shows, but it actually kind of sucks. I hate sitting around doing nothing, feeling absolutely useless. I also don’t like being fussed over, though I am so grateful for my Mom and Dad’s efforts to make this as comfortable as possible for me. My Mom has left behind plenty of food for me in the mornings and has carried my crutches for me so I can go up and down the stairs at night. I never noticed how beautiful it is to actually be outside in the fresh air.

Being in crutches is a bit of a challenge, but I am working towards getting better at it. I’ve learned to use them to turn on light switches or assist me in moving things aside. Things that used to be so easy before like showering has become so difficult, but I am doing the best I can. I can’t wait for the day when these things become easy to do again.

To entertain myself the past few days I have been trying to make myself useful. I’ve been dusting areas in my room I can reach, working on college homework, planning out conventions I will be attending (my first ones ever! Super excited) and doing lots of reading. As well I am placing price tags on items I will be selling at a garage sale on Saturday. It isn’t much, but at least I am feeling a bit accomplished. I mean if I was working and going out the past few days odds are I probably would not have been able to get these things done, so at least now I am able to do that.

This all isn’t very fun, but I am trying to stay positive. This is giving me an opportunity to spend time with myself and my family. I’ve watched a lot of Schitt’s Creek with my parents at night and I feel a lot closer to my Mom as a result of all this. On the bright side, there is a lot of positives to all this, and it is crucial to me to keep on focusing on these for the next few days as I continue to recover.

Sprained Ankle

So yesterday something happened to me that was of my own fault, but I wish I had someone to blame. I sprained my ankle.

As some of you may or may not know, I am a dancer. Not in the professional sense given that I am 20 and can barely get my double pirouette, but I do take it as a serious hobby. I am always practicing, looking for free classes to attend (or looking for cheap ones like at my university), and watching video tutorials on where I can improve. Given that I am a total nerd, I am always learning the technique and history as well. I love to dance, it means the absolute world to me.

Yesterday started off as a pretty good day. I went to the book store as a “me” day and spent time doing what I enjoy. When my Dad got home from work I thought it was a good idea to go to the backyard to work on some of my cartwheels and jumps like I’m a kid again. Unfortunately I probably should have known better….considering the fact that I am not actually a kid anymore! It wasn’t the cartwheels that got me though, it was a jump in which my front leg is straight and the back leg is bent. In my prep for the jump my foot got caught in the grass and it twisted a way it’s not supposed to, the crack was so loud and disgusting and I felt things move within my foot. There wasn’t pain at first but I knew there would be coming from my experience with a broken wrist (when I was five), a torn hamstring (when I was 16), and a sprained wrist (when I was 18). The direct impact never really gives much pain in these situations, it’s always the moments that follows. So I forced myself to lay on the grass as the pain started to rise…I didn’t cry yet, I was just breathing really really heavily. I hadn’t felt pain like that in a really long time. To be honest the first things that came to my head were a bit strange, which I’ve heard from a lot of people when in the heat of the moment. One of them was my work- thinking of what I could do about it and how I could possibly come in. The other was about dance- and how I knew it wasn’t the end for me. The third one is probably the weirdest of them all- and to be honest I am a bit embarrassed to share it, but since it is my blog and crucial to the story, I will. I thought of Dean Winchester.

In that moment I was reminded of the episode where Dean broke his leg and had to try to leave the hospital while in crutches to get away from the Leviathans. It may seem peculiar, but it was that that gave me the strength to limp up onto the deck and get help from my Father who was in the kitchen. A TV show, a TV character helped me conjure up the strength I needed in a time that I was fearing that I had possibly broken my ankle and worrying if I could ever dance again.

My ankle was pretty swollen, it looked a least a couple sizes bigger than my left ankle and there was a massive bulge where the bone was. We all thought it was broken, including the doctors at the ER at first (ironically at the same hospital in which I volunteer at). They took a ton of x-ray photos of me and the vast majority of our time there was waiting around. It was kind of fun though that I got to be wheeled around in a wheelchair, never had that experience before. It turns out it wasn’t broken, but they gave me crutches and I was sent home.

So now here I am, bedridden for a few days. I am going to get very bored of my room’s surroundings, and all I want to do right now is go to Starbucks, or ask people to hang out, or even go downstairs and read on the deck…but I can’t do any of that. At least on the bright side it is raining out, so I am not really missing much. I might open the window however, give me some much needed air. I hope to catch up on some reading while in here, work on my school work and refresh my memory of my Russian history…as my Grandmother has some great expectations of me in our trip coming up!

Overall however all I can express is gratitude for this. I am grateful to my job for letting me have some time off. I am grateful to my friends who have shown their support to me. I am grateful to my parents for taking me to the ER and McDonalds afterwards (also for my tiny walrus Beenie Boo…I love it so much). I am grateful for the fact that I hurt my flexible foot and not the one that I use more for balancing (even the nurses said I am really good at hopping around). I am grateful for the fact that I watched Supernatural that helped me get up to that deck. I am grateful for my sister who has been messaging me. I am grateful for my Mother who gave me plenty of food and drink to keep me occupied for the day. I am grateful for my Grandmother who called the house while I was typing this to make sure I was okay. I am grateful for my Father who kept such a calm demeanor as he waited for my mom to come home and while taking care of me. Even though this sucks, I am just so grateful. So much could have gone wrong and this was the best possible situation.

However, I think my main focus for dance going forward is going to be hip hop, tap, and zumba!

Summer Vacation

So summer is upon me soon, very soon. In just a few days I will be trading in the school books for sun, attempting to tan, and long hours at work…or am I?

This summer coming up will probably be my most busy one yet. I will be attending college online, teaching my best friend dance, working a ton of hours at my part-time job, and volunteering at the hospital. Pretty crazy right? Given all this, there is a definite fear and anxiety of burning out…but I hope I can take this summer as an opportunity to learn what I am capable of and all that I can do if I put my mind to it. As well- there are a few exciting outings planned for me. I will be going to Europe, attending some baseball games and my friends and I have some pretty exciting things planned.

I hope this summer will be my highlight of 2017- where I will get to learn about myself, live life to a fuller extent, and possibly post on here a lot more frequently than I have.

First Week of School

So this past week school started for me- and it was met with a ton of complications. The biggest one being- my schedule literally changed almost every day!

Now this whole changing my schedule thing- this is entirely new to me. In the past year and a half I have attended my university, I have never not once been dissatisfied with my schedule. That is until this semester came along. Not only were my class times not of the greatest- I had profs who didn’t have great ratings and none of my friends were in my classes! Of course this had to change, the idea of it was making my chest ache- and when that happens I try to do everything in my power to make that stop.

So, the process of getting to a schedule I wanted was a long one. I ended up switching the times for one class four times. I also switched an elective three times until I found one I feel like I can be genuinely satisfied with. It was a hard one, and extremely frustrating. I didn’t want to look at my syllabus’s or start my readings because I didn’t know what class I would be in the next day. However, all things did work out in the end.

This week was pretty good so far- I have friends in almost all of my classes and the subject material in my two electives seems to be of something that I am genuinely interested in. I am taking a course in the psychology of death, dying, and bereavement, so I am super excited to see where that is going. Its a depressing subject, but I think it will be extremely interesting. My philosophy of science course (I mainly took it because of my love for Rick and Morty in FULL honesty) also looks like it will be good. I can’t wait to see where this semester takes me and the direction this is going. I’m feeling pretty optimistic about it.

Bucket List Goals for 2017!

Hey y’all!

So here are some of my bucket list goals for the upcoming year…I don’t expect to get them all done and there may be some that are on my list that I may complete instead (which would be awesssomeee) but here is some goals that I wish to complete and work towards. Mostly these are really small goals, many that you have already accomplished in all likelihood- however this may motivate you to put some smaller more achievable goals onto your bucket list. Hope you enjoy!

• Learn how to rap “Rap God”
• Make my own TV-show workout (like the ones where they say “do ten push ups every time Sam Winchester magically has wifi”, “25 jumping jacks every time someone dies in Game of Thrones”)
• Go to the Monkey’s Paw bookstore in Toronto
• Visit the Thomas Fischer Rare Book Library
• Visit the Toronto Necropolis
• Make a mug cake
• Take pictures inspired by the ones I have found on Tumblr
• Do a James Bond themed dance (I choreograph a lot, little known fact)
• Visit the TIFF Reference Library
• Complete every single workout on my Workout and Motivation Playlist
• Learn one of the choreographies used on Dance Moms (I’m thinking Boss Ladies)
• Watch The Silence of the Lambs
• Complete one of my local library’s online courses
• Watch Back to the Future
• Watch The Sixth Sense
• Watch The Shining
• Watch Shawshank Redemption
• Write a letter to your future self
• Go a week without makeup
• Drink only water for a week
• Try churros
• Make muffins
• Finish my Wreck this Journal
• Go to Fort York
• Learn how to properly dance swing
• Get my tilt
• Watch The Breakfast Club
• Read The Great Gatsby
• Watch every episode of Friends
• Study positive psychology
• Have my own happiness project (IN PROGRESS!!!)
• Watch a Charlie Chaplin film
• Attend Pride?
• Learn how to meditate
• Learn contouring for make up
• Attend a random free seminar
• Say thank you in 10 languages
• Paint something at a ceramic store again
• Finish a lip balm
• Make brownies

For those who don’t know, my bucket list is massive. Like really massive. Like over 800 items massive. Which is why there are so many things here- all really small. Let’s bring it 2017!

New Video: Sephora Unboxing

Hey everyone,

I hope 2017 has been treating everyone well so far and that things are coming along pretty smoothly. I have loads to talk about in the next upcoming days about more progress in my Happiness Project- but for now I am going to upload something a little irrelevant but fun which is my Sephora Favorites: Beauty’s Most Coveted video! I hope you all enjoy it, I do adore make up and I am looking forward to attempting new looks and products in the upcoming new year.

How Does Making My Bed Benefit Me?

So as some of you may know, I am a very messy person. I hate cleaning, I hate organizing (though that is my overarching goal for this month) and I am just not naturally a neat person. Though I love the idea of a minimalist room with few belongings all in perfect order- it is just not realistic for me.

It has been said that your outside surroundings do help you on the inside- as a messy atmosphere can lead to feelings of control and peace. It allows you to feel as if you are able to change something and not everything is beyond you. Perhaps this could be a reason as to why I’ve had such a hard past with anxiety?

The past few days I have been making my bed every morning- it doesn’t have to be perfect and crisp but I do put my sheets back on and put my pillows in a nice manner- and I am not going to lie, it does help. Though I haven’t been home much the past few days- it is really nice to come home to a bed that is nice and welcoming as opposed to  massive mess on my bed. As well, it is really nice to be able to sit on my bed comfortably without having to sit in awkward positions around all the sheets and random things I have placed on here. It does allow my room to look a lot cleaner too- and it motivates me to keep on working towards a cleaner room. It helps clear my state of mind, and I do feel a lot more motivated to get more done and be more productive.

So this blog post is a bit messy- and I apologize- but this happiness project has only been going on for four days so far. All I have to say though is- making your bed does help. It helps make a room look cleaner and it is honestly worth the two minutes every morning to start a morning right. I think after this month is over I am definitely going to keep this resolution up.

Happy 2017!

Well we made it folks, 2017 has finally arrived! Now I have no idea what is in store for the upcoming year- some of it could be amazing, some not-so amazing- there are going to be laughter and there are going to be tears. In simple words…it’s going to be a year. However, though there is a lot we cannot control- nature, diseases, death, other people’s opinions- what we can change is how we approach the world and our attitudes we have towards it.

With that said, I am approaching 2017 with a positive attitude. I want to accomplish great things this year, and I think that if I believe and work hard enough- I think that it is very much plausible for that to happen. A lot of people have different ideas when it comes to resolutions- myself included. I think the idea of them are fantastic- and I love that people see the changes they want to make in their lives- but somewhere in there, more times than not, they all fall apart. Motivation goes away, things happen, and the buzz of a whole new year goes away. However, I think every day is a chance to change your life. If things aren’t going so great today- there’s always tomorrow to start again and be a better person than you were the day before. So if you do have resolutions- all power to you! Always try to remember why you decided to create this goal in the first place and go for it! If you don’t but wish to later- you don’t need to wait for the changing over of a calendar. There’s 365 days in a year- 365 mini chapters for you to create.

For 2017, I am starting a small project. I am going to be taking the advice from some of the greatest authors in a little field called positive psychology. I don’t know if I will hold it out until the end, but I am going to attempt at taking some of their advice in order to create a more fulfilling and happy existence. The big one I am going to attempt at is the very famous…Happiness Project! I’m sure you’ve all heard of the book by Gretchen Rubin? It’s a book in which she took on this happiness project where she undertook monthly resolutions to create a happier life for herself. It’s a really fun read- I recommend you guys check it out if you haven’t already.

By taking her advice, I am going to start January with something that will make my Mom proud- Organization!

With this month I will have a few mini resolutions to do with organization, they are:

• Make your bed every morning (there is an actual speech by an army officer about the importance of making your bed every morning, it’s actually pretty interesting)
• Do the Laurie Lo Study Challenge (Laurie Lo is a YouTuber that is absolute goals- she is really good at organization and giving school tips- she started a study challenge this month that I have signed up for, I’m very excited)
• Suffer for fifteen minutes (meaning taking on a dreaded task for just 15 minutes at a time)
• Start using my agenda daily (as per my type-A personality sister)
• Start my book-selling business (I am going to attempt at selling old books online)
• Create a bullet journal (these are HUGE right now)
• Take control of clutter (as per the whole “minimalism” thing right now)
• Follow the one-minute rule (a Gretchen Rubin idea, meaning if something can be done in just a minute to just do it)

I am very excited to start this project and I can’t wait to see where it takes me. I have created a vision board for myself as well, which will assist in my motivation and reminding me of why I am doing ANY of this in the first place. The vision board idea of course comes from the infamous series/documentary- The Secret.

Happy new year folks! Stay warm!

2016 Favorites

Hey guys!

So this is a video I made before Christmas in which I discuss the obligatory favorites of the year. In full honesty I had a lot of fun creating this video, more fun than I thought I would doing something so stereotypical and planned out. It was fun choosing what I was going to discuss in the video and heavily considering what products were really big standouts for the year- I hope to do more videos in the future about favorites. It was actually a ton of fun and I hope you guys enjoy watching. I try to be as myself as possible in these videos- I find a lot of Youtubers to be really forcing things and I don’t want to be that person.